Child Protection vs R. Kelly: Strategies for the Village

I have been writing articles for the child protection corner for a year now and this article has been the most difficult to write. After the R. Kelly documentary series aired, which I did not watch, I was asked by a colleague to respond since I’m an advocate for child protection.  I shared with my colleague that I did not watch the documentary series because I was not aware that it was airing and I prefer to respond to such shocking allegations appropriately.  After spending some time in prayer, I was moved to respond even though I did not watch the documentary. Since the series aired, I have heard the outcry of the community on Facebook, radio, and TV regarding the R. Kelly sexual allegations. I am outraged.  I state allegations because R. Kelly has not been charged with any crimes.  Some individuals, including celebrities that are now bashing R. Kelly, once appeared with him on stage, bought his music, attended his concerts and even danced to his music. They supported him even in the midst of sexual misconduct allegations dating back to the 90’s.  Shame on them!!

I do not want to use this space to give R. Kelly more notoriety, but to continue the conversation with the village about our responsibility to protect children.  Awareness and education are necessary tools in this fight to keep our children safe from convicted pedophiles such as Jerry Sanduskey (Penn State) and Larry Nassar (USA Gymnastics Team Doctor).  What is a pedophile? A pedophile is described as someone who is sexually attracted to children.

When documentaries such as this one airs, it may open old wounds of survivors.  We call individuals that have survived any type of sexual abuse or sexual assault, survivors and not victims. They are survivors because they are still in the fight and are lending their voices to a new generation that will not be silenced. Their stories give us hope.

Statistic:  1 in 10 children will experience sexual abuse before their 18th birthday.

Village Strategies: (most of these strategies have shared in previous articles)

·         Be a positive role model for your child

·         Be involved in your child’s education and activities

·         Know your child’s friends and their parents

·         Spend quality time with your child and let them know that you are there for them even if they get into trouble

·         Keep the lines of communication open with your child. If you do not talk to them, the streets will.

·         Praise your child!! Build your child’s self-esteem so they will not seek love and attention outside of the home.

·         Don’t force your child to hug or kiss adults against their wishes

·         Talk to your child about the value and privacy of his/her body

·         Be careful who you allow in your child’s life

·         Practice “what-if” games with your child (problem solving)

·         Teach your child the proper names for private body parts

·         Monitor your child’s use of technology

·         Watch out for grooming behaviors, i.e. an adult singles out your child with gifts, money,  special privileges

·         Do not allow your child to be in one adult, one child situations and no one-older child/one-younger child situations

·         Provide a safe and stable home environment for your child

·         Make sure that your child knows that it is never okay for an adult to tell them to keep a secret from you.  Sexual abuse thrives in an environment of secrecy.

·         Parents should be copied on all emails between children/teens and adults within the organization (school, church, recreation). Adults within the organization should not reach out socially to individual children/teens by phone, texts or social media.

·         Let your child know if anyone makes them feel uncomfortable, whether it’s a family member, friend, or teacher, they can come to you at any time.

·         If your child discloses sexual abuse, believe them and seek help.

Call to Action:

·         Let’s stop talking and get busy protecting our children!!

·         If you see something, say something.  Be an active bystander!!

·         Call 1-855-GA-CHILD if you suspect abuse. The line is open 24/7.

·         I challenge organizations, especially the faith community to host trainings such as Stewards of Children to educate the community about how to recognize, report and respond to child sexual abuse.

·         Let’s not get stuck in the shock and horror of the stories in the headlines, but let’s stay focused on what WE can do TOGETHER to better protect our children.  They are counting on us!!

Community Resources:

Great Start Georgia (connects families to parenting resources and community services) www.GreatStartGeorgia.org

1-855-707-8277 (toll free)

The Georgia Center for Child Advocacy

www.georgiacenterforchildadvocacy.org

(678) 904-2880

The center’s mission is to champion the needs of sexually and severely physically abused children through prevention, intervention, therapy, and collaboration.  These services are provided at no cost to children who reside in or were abused in DeKalb or Fulton County.

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”     -Frederick Douglass

In His service,

Virginia

Please feel free to contact Virginia for further information at vbconsulting@bellsouth.net