Child Safety in Mentoring Relationships
A number of children and youth are involved in different types of mentoring relationships. A national organization, Big Brothers Big Sisters is known for mentoring children and youth across the country. I’m thankful for great mentors as I was growing up. Mentoring is a powerful tool that lets young people know that someone cares about them, assures them they are not alone in dealing with day-to-day challenges, and makes them feel they matter. Because they do matter!! Research confirms that quality mentoring relationships have powerful positive effects on young people in a variety of personal, academic, and professional situations. Mentoring is a powerful asset that has shaped the lives of millions of young people.
With all of the benefits of mentoring, we still have to think about “child safety” in this relationship. National programs such as the Boys and Girls Clubs of America and the Boy Scouts of America have child protection policies in place. On the home page of the web site of the Boys and Girls Clubs of America and the Boy Scouts of America they both state that child safety is their number one priority.
As a parent, you can request group mentoring vs. one on one mentoring. Here’s another strategy, if your child is assigned a mentor and he/she comes to your house to visit your child, they should meet in a place in your home where you can observe what’s happening. All activities with your child should be observable in youth serving agencies. Youth serving organizations should have policies in place that prohibit staff and volunteers from alone time with a child that is not in a public space. Open doors and/or windows in doors can allow discussions out of ear shot, but still be observable.
Here are some additional child safety strategies for parents and other adults that care for and about children:
Talk to your children-communicate, communicate, communicate!! Speak openly, that’s age appropriate, about private body parts, inappropriate touch, respectful relationships, and personal boundaries. By starting the conversation, you create an environment in which children are comfortable talking about their bodies and sexuality. If you are uncomfortable starting the conversation, there are resources out there to help you. Amazon is a great resource for books on starting the conversation as well as your local library.
Keep no secrets-make sure your child knows that it is never okay for an adult to tell them to keep a secret from you. Sexual abuse thrives in an environment of secrecy. Sexual offenders use secrecy as a way to groom a child and to make the child feel somehow responsible for their own abuse.
Explain that adults can help-let your child know that you can handle anything they ever need to tell you. If they cannot tell you, they should find another trusted adult they can talk to. Many victims of child sexual abuse report that they did not tell anyone about the abuse because they were afraid of how the information would make their parents feel. The child victim is trying to protect their parents. Children must know that we adults can handle anything and we are here to help.
Know the risk-yes, this is a tough topic and we do not want to think the worst. But, deciding not to think about the risk takes away the power of parents to recognize and prevent it. Parents have the power and should equip their children with the same power.
Talk with your child’s coaches, teachers and other mentors-all youth serving organizations should have written policies and procedures for child safety. Request a copy of these policies and procedures. These policies must provide clear physical and behavior boundaries about how adults interact with children. Policies should encourage staff to recognize and report suspicious behaviors. Staff should receive annual training on how to recognize and report child sexual abuse. Ask about the hiring procedures of the organization. Do all staff and volunteers undergo criminal background checks? If so, how often?
Avoid one-on-one situations between children and unrelated adults-any interaction a child has with an adult who is not their parent should be visible to others. This one simple rule greatly reduces a child’s risk for sexual abuse. Without privacy, an offender has fewer chances to abuse a child. This rule also applies to physical examinations by medical care providers. Whenever possible, parents and other staff members such as nurses should be in the room and able to observe what is taking place. All activities with youth should be observable and interruptible.
Communication-parents should be copied on all emails between children/teens and adults within the organization. Adults within the organization should not reach out socially to individual children/teens by phone, texts or social media.
Children deserve nothing less that safe environments in which to learn, grow, play, compete, and worship. As adults, we all share a responsibility to protect children from abuse.
Mentoring Resource:
National Cares Mentoring Movement
(212) 629-0737
In his service,
Virginia
Please feel free to contact Virginia for further information at vbconsulting@bellsouth.net